NULL & VOID

NOTHING LIKE THE THREAT ON GUEST TO REALLY GET YOU MOTIVATED TO CLEAN.
I GOT DONE YESTERDAY STRAIGHTING-P THAT TOOK ONLY 3 HOURS TO DO, BUT FOR SOME REASON, HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO IT IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS.
OK, REPEAT AFTER ME: PRO-CRAS-TIN-A-TION - VERY GOOD!
MY SON (WHO IS 16 MONTHS OLD) WAS PLAYING DURING HIS BATH MONDAY NIGHT & HIT HIS TEETH ON THE EDGE OF THE TUB. HE CHIPPED HIS FRONT TOOTH AND GAVE HIMSELF A VERY FAT LIP.
MY MOM IS SO CONSUMED BY HER OWN PROBLEMS THAT SHE DID NOT NOTICE HER GARNDSON'S LIP WAS ABOUT 3X ITS NORMAL SIZE.
INSTEAD SHE DECIDED SHE WANTED TO PLAY MOTHER TERESA WHIT MY APARTMENT.
SHE MADE COMPENTS LIKE:
- YOUR LIVING LIKE A PAUPER
- SHE HAD EVERYTHING, NOW SHE HAS NOTHING
- I'LL HAVE TO BUY YOU FURNITURE
- I'LL GIVE YOU $500 FOR FURNITURE
AND SO ON FOR THE DURATION OF HER VISIT.
I'D SAY THE ONLY THING MISSING FROM MY PLACE IS A COFFE TABLE AND DECORATIONS (WHICH I'M NOT DOING TILL I PAINT)
ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER SHE LEFT SHE CALLED CRYING AND SAID SHE WAS SORRY FOR MAKING ME MAD, AND THEN SAID SHE HAD TO GO & WILL CALL BACK LATER.
SOOO.... SHE DECIDED TO CALL MY OLDER SISTER AND CRY TO HER FOR SOME STRANGE REASON.
MY SISTER SAID EVERYTIHNG I SAID TO MOM AND INCLUDED THAT "SHE'S HAPPY, IF SHE NEEDS, SHE'LL ASK"
I DIDN'T HEAR BACK FROM MOM LAST NIGHT, SO I CALLED MY SIS & SHE INFORMED ME OF THE MOM EPISODE OF THE DAY SHE HEARD.
THIS IS QUITE NORMAL BEHAVIOR AND AM NOT SURPRIZED.
SHE DOES NOT LISTEN TO A WORD ANYONE SAYS...
NO THANKS MOM, I JUST HAD A BANANA!

UNEVENTFUL WEEKEND

SO, ITS BACK TO WORK ON THIS LOVELY FALL MORNING!
THE WEEKEND WAS ENJOYABLE, SO I’LL DO A QUICK RUNDOWN OF HOW I SPENT IT:
FRIDAY NIGHT – RENTED SIN CITY, DRANK (2) 16 OZ BUD LONGNECKS, REALIZED I WAS LONE AND HAD GOTTEN DRUNK BY MYSELF… JUST ALITTLE DEPRESSING.
SATURDAY – SHELLED OUT $120.00 FOR A FURNACE CLEANING ON A HOUSE THAT I’VE NOW DECIDED TO LET GO INTO FORECLOSURE. DROVE TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY WITH MY MOM, SPEND REMAIDER OF DAY WITH MY GRAMMA (TURNED OUT TO BE A GREAT DAY).
SUNDAY – MY SON SPEND THE DAY WITH MY EX, SO I SPEND THE MORNING SORTING OUT BABY CLOTHES TO GIVE AWAY, THEN HAD MY FILL OF MOMS “SUGGESTIONS” AND DECIDED TO HEAD INTO NEW HAVEN TO READ (IN COLD BLOOD, TRUMAN CAPOTE) AND DRINK SOME COFF-AY.
BROUGHT HOME STUFF FROM MOM’S AND FELT TO LZY TO PUT IT ALL AWAY.
WENT TO SLEEP AFTER WATCHING SOME PORN IN REVERSE & THEN “THE GREAT ROCK N’ ROLL SWINDLE”.

NEVERENDING BAGEL

HEY! I'M RACKING UP THE POSTS NOW!!

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, ITS LUNCH TIME HERE IN MY OFFICE, BUT IM NOT HUNGRY YET...
MY REASON BEING THAT I'VE HAD A CONSTANT FLOW OF FOOD SINCE I GOT IN. I STOPPED AT DUNKIN' DONUTS AND GOT ME A MED FRENCH VANILLA (LT W/ 2 SGRS) AND AN UNTOASTED POPPY BAGEL W/ CREAM CHZ (YUM YUM).
I GOT TO WORK AT 8:30 AM AND STARTED TO EAT MY NUMMY NUMS. AND HAVE NOW (15 MIN AGO) OFFICIALLY FINISHED BREAKFAST!!!

HOW DOES SHE DO IT?!

LOW PREP. TIME

I WOKE UP LATE THIS MORNING (DAMN YOU SNOOZE), BUT GOT OUT IN TIME TO GET ALL THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE DONE.
I'M SUPER LOW MAINTENANCE FOR A WOMAN AND I THINK THATS WHY I CAN DO THIS SOMETIMES
I DON'T WEAR MAKE-UP, SO RIGHT THERE THAT KNOCKS OFF ABOUT 15 MIN TO ½ HOUR. I DON'T WEAR EARRINGS, SO NO FUSS WITH MATCHING ACCESSORIES. HECK, I DON'T BRUSH MY HAIR! BUT THATS ONLY BECAUSE MY HAIR IS SUPER SHORT AND BEYOND STRAIGHT (I CAN ACTUALLY JUST USE MY FINGERS), I DON’T USE PRODUCTS IN MY HAIR FOR STYLING. NO CONTACTS, ONLY GLASSES.
SO I CAN GET MYSELF READY (SHOWERED AND ALL) WITH IN A 20MIN TIME SPAN! YEE-HAW!

MAYBE I'LL START GETTING UP EARLIER SOMEDAY, MAYBE I'LL EAT A WHOLESOME BREAKFAST, MAYBE I'LL... NEH!

I'M NOT YELLING!!!!!

REFER TO TE STATEMENT BELOW...

SIDE SHOW MOM

MY SISTER AND I GREW-UP IN A WAY THAT WAS A TYPICAL FASHION... OF COURSE, LOOKING BACK, NOW I CAN SEE THAT OUR UP BRINGING WAS ALITTLE ABNORMAL.
BUT WHAT OTHERS LOOK AT AS A "SAD", "NEGATIVE" OR "DEPRESSING" CHILDHOOD, WE CAN'T HELP BUT LAUGH OUR ASSES OFF?! - IS THIS WEIRD?
WE WENT THROUGH ALOT TOGETHER AND CAME OUT OK. I VISIT MY MOM (WHO IS THE SUBJECT OF MOST OF OUR STORIES) ON A WEEKLY BASIS WITH MY SON. AFTERWARD, I'LL TALK TO MY SISTER ABOUT WHAT MOM HAS BEEN UP TO. THIS USUALLY ENDS UP BEING A 3 HOUR CONVERSATION PERTAINING TO THE PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE WITH OUR MOM.
SOMETIMES WE LAUGH SO HARD... BUT WE NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR OURSELVES.
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN ONE OF US WILL BE TALKING TO SOMEONE OF NO RELATION AND THE SUBJECT MIGHT STUMBLE INTO "MOM". AND THAT'S WHEN WE START TO REALIZE THAT THE LIFE WE HAD MAY HAVE NOT BEEN "NORMAL".
LOOKS OF DISBELIEF, PITY, SHOCK AND AWE CROSS THE FACES OF THE RECIPIENTS OF OUR TALES.
I PERSONALLY HAVE COME TO ENJOY THE HORROR THAT UNFOLDS BEFORE AN UNSUSPECTING CROWD AS I DIVULGE THE PARENTING SKILLS OF MY DEAR MUM. IT KIND OF LETS PEOPLE KNOW WHERE I'M COMING FROM AND EXPLAINS WHY I HAVE NO SOCIAL SKILLS AS THE WOMAN I NOW AM.
BUT I'D LIKE FOR PEOPLE TO START LOOKING AT THIS AS A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE. A HILARIOUS ANECDOTE IF YOU WILL. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE MY BIG SIS & I ARE DEBATING A CATALOG OF OUR STORIES, BUT I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT THE SPIN ON THEM AND TO MAKE PEOPLE SEE THE FUNNY SIDE THAT MY SISTER & I SHARE DAILY.

9 MORE MINUTES

I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE PUT IN THE CATEGORY OF "PROCRASTINATOR" OR JUST PLAIN "LAZY".
I TRY TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AT 6:00AM, AND OUT THE DOOR BY 7:15AM TO TAKE MY SON TO DAYCARE, THEN AT WORK BY 8:15.
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AT 6:45, AND ONLY BECAUSE MY BOY WAS CALLING ME.
I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT IM ADDICTED TO THE SNOOZE BUTTON, JUST 9 MORE MINUTES OF SLEEP, ONE MORE TIME, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I OVER SLEPT BY 45MIN, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

LUCKILY I GOT ME A COFFEE TO GET MY DAY GOING! THANKS DUNKIN' DONUTS!!

PILFERING FOM FAMILY

OK, WELL I'LL START HERE.
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE STARTED A BLOG. I FORGOT THE INFO TO GET INTO THE OLD ONE... GENIUS!
I'LL START WITH A SHORT STORY...
UP TO ABOUT WHEN MY SISTER AND I WERE MIDDLE SCHOOL AGED, WE TOOK STUFF FROM OUR CLOSE COUSIN.
MY SISTER AND I WERE SECRETLY JEALOUS OF HER DUE TO THE FACT THAT HER MOM WASN’T A DRUNK AND THAT SHE HAD MORE CLOTHES, A BIG ROOM, LOTS OF TOYS, AND ALL THE SUPPORT WE COULD ONLY DREAM OF HAVING FROM LOVING PARENTS. SHE NEVER RUBBED IT IN OUR FACES, BUT WE WERE JEALOUS JUST THE SAME.
IT STARTED INNOCENTLY ENOUGH, WE’D JUST TAKE THINGS LIKE BEADS & JEWLERY HARWARE, OBJECTS SHE HAD A OVER ABUNDANCE OF THAT WOULD NEVER GO NOTICED IF MISSING.
THEN IT PROGRESSED TO A SHOE (1 FROM A PAIR), A MOVIE, A SHIRT HERE AND THERE. BOOKS, SMALL TOYS WE DIDN’T HAVE DUE TO OUR POORNESS, ECT…
AT THE END OF AN EVENING, MY SISTER AND I WOULD REVEAL TO EACH OTHER OUR ILL-GOTTEN GAINS. THEN WE’D STASH THE BOOTY IN A HOLLOWED OUT LABYRINTH BOARD GAME.
THIS WENT ON FOR QUITE A WHOLE, EVEY NOW & THEN SOME OF OUR SWAG WOULD TURN UP WHEN OUR COUSIN WAS OVER, AND WE’D BE “PUZZLED” AS TO HOW IT GOT THERE.
THEN CAME THE DAY WE WERE FOUND OUT.
FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON MY SISTER DECIDED TO TAKE A DOOR KNOB, OF ALL THINGS!?
OUR AUNT NOTICED AND EVIDENCE WAS TRACED BACK TO OUR WAYWARD PIRATES.
OUR LOOT WAS SEIZED AND WE WERE PUNISHED BY OUR MOM (WHICH MENT AN ASS BEATING, BUT NO FOLLOW-THROUGH).
FROM THEN ON WE ONLY TOOK SMALL OBJECTS LIKE BEADS, JEWLERY HARDWARE AND WE’D USUALLY JUST THROUGH A SHOE IN THE TRASH NOW AND THEN.