WHERE'D MY BUTT GO?

I HAVE TO DO MY LAUNDRY.

THIS MORING WHEN I WAS GETTING DRESSED FOR WORK, I REALIZED I HAD NO MORE SOCKS. I HAD WORN MY LAST "PAIR" SOME TIME LAST WEEK AND HAVE BEEN WEARING MIS-MATCHED .
SOCKS FOR A COUPLE DAYS NOW.
SO, THIS MORNING I LOOKED IN MY SOCK DRAW TO FIND NO MORE SOCKS. NOT EVEN ONE! AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO WEAR DIRTY SOCKS (EWWW). SO I DID THE NEXT BEST THING, PANTY HOSE!
I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED AT THE FACT THAT I EVEN HAD ANY (I GO BARE IN THE SUMMER).
ON THEY WENT AND TO WORK I DID GOCONTROL TOP PANTY HOSE CAN REALLY SLIM YOU DOWN AND FLATTEN YOU OUT, I FORGOT THIS TILL I USED THE BATHROOM AT WORK.
MY BEHIND WENT FROM "WHA-POW!" TO "WHOMP!". (AS SEE IN DIAGRAM BELOW)

THIS IS THE ONE THING I GOT GOING FOR ME, SHIT, EVEN MY FAMILY NICKNAME IS "BEANIE".
PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME ON A SOMEWHAT PERSONAL LEVEL KNOW THAT I'M BEST KNOWN FOR MY BUTT (AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY SO).

PANTYHOSE, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED.
I'M GOING TO TARGET AFTER WORK TO BUY MORE SOCKS...