CHARLIE & ME

MY MOM HAS ALWAYS GOTTEN ME, WHAT I CONSIDER, ODD GIFTS. THEY USUALLY DON'T MATCH THE OCCASION, ARE UGLY AS ALL SIN OR JUST HAVE NOTHING O DO WITH YOUR PERSONALITY.
ONE YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS, I RECEIVED A KNOCK-OFF CHARLIE MCCARTHY DUMMY (VENTRILOQUISM DOLL).
IT STOOD ABOUT 2 1/2 FT TALL, WORE A TUXEDO WITH A CRUSHED TOP HAT (NOT PACKAGED WELL), A MONOCLE AND NO SHOES. THE HEAD DID NOT TURN AND IN ORDER TO MAKE THE MOUTH MOVE YOU HAD TO GRAB HIM BY THE NECK WITH ONE HAND AND YANK ON THE STRING BEHIND HIS HEAD WITH THE OTHER.
I HAD NO IDEA WHY I RECEIVED THIS!?
DID MY MOM WANT ME TO BECOME A VENTRILOQUIST? DID I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT DUMMY'S ONE DAY? DID MY SISTER THINK IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO TELL MY MOM "THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS"?
I WAS ABOUT 10 OR 11 WHEN THIS CAREER CHOICE CAME INTO MY POSSESSION, SO DUE TO MY AGE, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO CHARLIE MCCARTHY WAS, LET ALONE KNOW HOW TO THROW MY VOICE.
SO MY SISTER & I PLAYED WITH THIS NOVELTY FOR ABOUT AND HOUR AND THEN I TOOK PICTURES OF HIM POSITIONED ON MY MOM'S BED WITH A CIGARETTE IN HIS MOUTH AND A PAIR OF MY MOM'S UNDIES IN HIS HAND.
I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE I GOT THAT YEAR...