KARMA

WHEN I WAS IN 6TH GRADE I WAS NOT POPULAR, WELL, I WAS NEVER POPULAR, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

ABOUT HALF WAY THROUGHT THE 6TH GRADE SCHOOL YEAR, A NEW GIRL WAS ADMITTED INTO OUR CLASS. SHE WAS A TALL WITH DARK HAIR AND WAS FOLLOWED BY A REPUTATION THAT MADE ALL THE BOYS LIKE HER.
SHE WAS ALSO A BULLY.
FOR SOME REASON DECIDED SHE WANTED ME AS HER FRIEND. LITTLE DID I KNOW I WAS ACTUALLY HER SIDE KICK/HENCHMAN.

WE'D HAND OUT AT SCHOOL, I SLEPT OVER HER HOUSE A COUPLE TIMES AND THEN I'D FOLLOW HER THROUGH HER NEIGHBORHOOD AS SHE MADE HER ROUNDS OF THREATS, INTIMIDATION AND TERRORISM.
IT WAS WEIRD BEING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ALL THIS, I DIDN'T JOIN IN, I JUST WATCHED FROM THE SIDE AS SHE BADGERED AND PUT DOWN OTHER PEOPLE. THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WITH HER, I WAS SURE SHE WAS GOING TO TURN ON ME IF I DIDN'T GO ALONG. AT ONE POINT, I WAS SCARED TO NOT BE HER FRIEND.
EVENTUALLY, SHE CONVINCED ME TO PARTICIPATE IN THE MENTAL ABUSE OF A CLASSMATE.
SHE DECIDED THAT THE GIRL WHO SAT BEHIND ME IN ALL MY CLASSES WOULD BE A GOOD TARGET.
"RING-SIDE SEATS!" I REMEMBER HER TELLING ME.
BLIND TO THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS, I BECAME WHAT I HATED AND FEARED MOST.
THE PLAN WAS TO WRITE FAKE "SECRET ADMIRER" NOTES THAT WOULD BE TAPED INSIDE THE GIRL'S LOCKER THROUGH THE VENTS ON TOP. THE NOTES WOULD BUILD HER UP AND EVENTUALLY WE'D SET HER UP FOR AN EMBARRASSING MEETING WITH A POPULAR BOY IN THE STAIRWELL.

SO, OF COURSE, IT WAS ME WHO HAD TO WRITE THESE LETTERS AS MY MASTER DICTATED THE WORDS TO ME. I WROTE IN SLANTED CURSIVE TO CONCEAL MY IDENTITY AND PROCEEDED TO CARRY OUT THE DELIVERY AS WELL.

OVER THE COURSE OF A WEEK OR TWO, I PENNED SEVERAL NOTES. WE'D WAIT IN THE HALL AND WATCH AS SHE RECEIVED EACH LIE.

DURING THIS SECOND WEEK, MY "FRIEND" GOT BORED WITH THE GAME AND DECIDED TO DITCH ME. LEAVING ME RACKED WITH GUILT AND DRENCHED IN SHAME.
THE TARGET HAD BEEN A GIRL I WAS FRIENDLY WITH IN THE BEGINING OF THE YEAR. WE GOT ALONG AND WERE FRIENDS BEFORE THE PROMISE OF POPULARITY OVERCAME ME.
I DIDN'T SPEAK TO HER ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND HOPED SHE WOULD NEVER KNOW THAT I WAS INVOLVED.
EVENTUALLY I BECAME THE INTROVERT I WAS BEFORE.
BUT WHILE SITTING IN STUDY HALL ONE DAY WITH MY HEAD ON THE DESK, SHE WALKED OVER ME AND SET DOWN EVERY ONE OF THE LETTERS. THEN IN A STEADY VOICE SHE SAID,"THANKS LOT". AND WALKED AWAY.

THIS IS THE MOST HURTFUL AND MEAN SPIRITED THING I HAD EVER DONE TO SOMEONE.

I'M SORRY.

SNACK TIME!!!!

BECAUSE YOU CARE.

3 TIMER

8:15 AM: AFTER SETTLING INTO MY DESK I RETRIEVED A CUP OF COFFEE FROM THE KITCHEN.

8:22 AM: A FOREMAN, LEAVING FOR DUNKIN DONUTS ASKED IF I WANTED ANYTHING, I INSTINCTIVLY REPLIED "COFFEE"

8:29 AM: A CO-WORKER PROCLAIMED THAT A FRESH POT OF COFFEE WAS BREWING, SO I DECIDED TO GET SOME BEFORE IT WAS ALL GONE, EVEN THOUGH I HADN'T FINISHED MY 1ST CUP YET.

8:30 AM: ACCEPTED MEDIUM COFFEE FROM FOREMAN.

8:31 AM:


I'M A COFFEE WHORE.

OK, LETS SEE...

- SENSE OF HUMOR?
CHECK!

- FINANCIALLY SECURE?
WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF... SO CHECK!

- SYMPATHETIC?
YUP, CHECK!

- BODY?
FOR MY AGE & LIFESTYLE? S'ALRIGHT.

- PERSONABLE?
IF YA GET TO KNOW ME, I'M OK... CHECK!

- OUTGOING?
SURE, I'LL TRY IT... CHECK!

- LOOKS?
AVERAGE...

SO, WHAT AM I MISSING?
DO I HAVE TO "MAKE" STUFF TO SHOW I'M CREATIVE?
DO I HAVE TO DRESS OUTLANDISHLY TO SHOW I'M AN INDIVIDUAL?
NOT ENOUGHT TATOOS, OR TOO MANY?

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG?!