DREAM

I WAS IN A HOUSE I DID NOT RECOGNIZE, BUT I KNEW THE LAYOUT…
THE DREAM TOOK PLACE IN FIRST PERSON VEIW
I WAS UNDER A MAN WHILE HE HAD SEX WITH ME BUT I DIDN’T FEEL ANYTHING AND I COULD NOT SEE HIS FACE. HIS SKIN WAS TINTED ORANGE, HE WAS MUSCULAR WITH A HAIRY CHEST.
I THEN FOUND MYSELF IN THE HALL LEADING TO THE STAIRS OF THE FRONT DOOR.
I WAS LEAVING.
THE MAN I WAS WITH HAD TOLD ME HE DIDN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. I KNEW THIS, BUT DIDN’T SEE/HEAR HIM SAY IT. I ALSO DIDN’T OBJECT, I JUST ACCEPTED IT.
THERE WAS A WHITE NARROW TABLE AGAINST THE WALL, SARA (MY HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND’S SISTER) WAS STANDING AT IT AND HOLDING A GRADUATION SIGNATURE DOG WITH NO AUTOGRAPHS ON IT.
I WALKED OFF THE FRONT PORCH AND THOUGH A PICKET GATE, SARA AND THE MAN WERE ON THE FRONT PORCH, I SAW THEM TURN THEIR BACKS TO FACE AWAY FROM THE STREET.
THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE PUSHING AND SHOVING THEIR WAY DOWN THE BUSY SIDEWALK.
I GOT TO THE CORNER AND FELT A SUDDEN WEIGHT UPON MY ENTIRE BODY, AS IF I HAD BEEN SUBMERGED INTO THE WATER BEYOND WHAT A PERSON CAN HANDLE. I COLLAPSED ONTO THE PAVEMENT AND MY BODY CURLED INTO THE FEADLE POSITION.
THE PEOPLE CROWDED AROUND TO GUESS HOW I DIED, I HEARD ONE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT A HEART ATTACK AND SOMEONE ELSE LAUGHED ABOUT URINE?
MY SOUL WAS THEN TRANSFER INTO A 1934 WORLD SERIES POSTER (DARK BLUE WITH BLACK WRITING) AND WAS CARRIED OFF INTO THE SKY.
TIME PASTED AND MY SOUL SHIFTED TO SEVERAL OBECTS (NOT SURE EXACTLY WHAT) TILL I ENDED UP IN A DARK BLUE HEAVILY WOVEN TAPESTRY WITH REPETATIVE GOLD LETTERING (I COULD CLEARLY SEE THE WORDS: MEMORY, SISTER, MOTHER… I COULDN’T MAKE OUT THE REST).
I WAS DETERMINED TO GET BACK TO WHERE I STARTED, AND SOMEHOW DRIFTED ON THE WIND BACK TO THE HOUSE WITH THE PICKET FENCE.
A THUNDER STORM ROLLED IN AND I (AS A DRAPERY) HAD CAUGHT MYSELF ONTO THE SKYLIGHT OF THE HOUSE. INSIDE THEY WERE HAVING SOMEKIND OF PARTY/GET TOGETHER. SOMEONE PULLED ME IN (IT WAS THROUGHT THEIR EYES THAT I SAW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE). DRENCHED IN RAIN, THEY SEEMED TO HAVE TROUBLE HOLDING ONTO THE CLOTH AND DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR.
I COULD SEE THAT TIME AND LIFE HAD GONE ON WITHOUT ME…

BLURRED PICTURES AND DETAILS I COULDN’T SEE CLEARLY.
I SCREAMED.
I SCREAMED SO LOUD I COULD FEEL THE PRESSURE IN MY EARS.
MY VOICE SOMEHOW CAME THOUGH ON A RADIO, BUT I SCREAMED SO LOUD I COULDN’T HEARD WHAT I WAS SAYING OR ANYTHING.
I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE THEM TO GET A PICTURE OF ME SO I COULD TRANSFER MY SOUL INTO IT AND SOMEHOW MAYBE GET OUT. BUT ALL THEIR PICTURES DID NOT INCLUDE ME.

I WOKE UP SWEATING AND DECIDED I COULDN’T GO BACK TO SLEEP, I DIDN’T WANT TO FIND OUT HOW THIS ONE ENDED.

8 COLD BLOCKS

WHEN I WAS SOMEWHERE IN THE AGE OF 12, I HAD MY 1ST “BOYFRIEND”.

MY BEST FRIEND AND I WOULD SCRIBBLE ALL OVER MORSE PARK “I LOVE SO & SO”, AND IT WAS DURING THIS TIME THAT I DEVELOPED A SMALL CRUSH ON A KID NAMED SHAWN.

MY SISTER DECIDED TO GET INVOLVED (WHO WAS ABOUT 13 OR 14 THEN) AND SOMEHOW GOT HIM TO COME OVER TO THE HOUSE.

WE SAT ON THE FRONT PORCH IN AWKWARD SILENCE FOR A WHILE, WHILE MY BIG SISTER AND SOME NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS SHOUTED THINGS LIKE, “ARE YOU ASKIN’ HER OUT YET?” AND SANG THE “… KISSING IN A TREE” SONG.

NOW, AT THE TENDER AGE OF 12, I HAD NOT EVEN KISSED A BOY YET AND HAD NO CLUE WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AS A GIRLFRIEND. PAM HAD TOLD ME ABOUT NECKING AND I’D SEEN “BASIC INSTINCT” AND “FRITZ THE CAT”, SO I WAS ALITTLE CONFUSED.

SO HE ASKED ME OUT AND TOLD ME TO COME OVER HIS HOUSE THE NEXT DAY, WHICH WAS A SATURDAY.

AT ABOUT NOON I WALKED THE FIVE BLOCKS TO HIS HOUSE. HE WAS IN THIS KIND OF FORT AND SAID I HAD TO WAIT OUTSIDE TILL HE WAS DONE.

I STOOD THER FOR ABOUT 15-20 MINUTES, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. I REMEMBER WEARING MY WINTER JACKET AND THINKING IT WAS PRETTY COLD.

EVENTUALLY HE CAME OUT AND SAID WE WERE WALKING OVER TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE TO PICK HIM UP, WHICH WAS ANOTHER 3 BLOCKS AWAY FROM MY HOUSE.

WHEN WE GOT THERE, I WAITED AT THE SIDEWALK WHILE HE WALKED THROUGH THE GATE, UP THE PATH AND ONTO A PORCH, WHERE HIS FRIEND WAS WAITING. THEY WHISPERED TO EACH OTHER FOR A MINUTE AND THEN CAME TO THE SIDEWALK WHERE I WAS STANDING.

I ASKED WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO, THAT’S WHEN THEY LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND SMILED.

THEN THEY RAN.

THEY RAN AWAY FROM ME AS FAST AS THEY COULD, EVEN WHEN THEY WERE NO LONGER IN SIGHT, I COULD STILL HEAR THEM LAUGHING AND LAUGHING.

I STOOD THER FOR A MINUTE AND SAW HIS FRIENDS MOM STANDING IN THE DOORWAY, SHE SAW THE WHOLE THING.

AS I MADE EYE CONTACT, SHE CLOSED THE DOOR.

I WALKED THE 8 BLOCKS HOME, AND THAT WAS IT.