WHERE'D MY BUTT GO?

I HAVE TO DO MY LAUNDRY.

THIS MORING WHEN I WAS GETTING DRESSED FOR WORK, I REALIZED I HAD NO MORE SOCKS. I HAD WORN MY LAST "PAIR" SOME TIME LAST WEEK AND HAVE BEEN WEARING MIS-MATCHED .
SOCKS FOR A COUPLE DAYS NOW.
SO, THIS MORNING I LOOKED IN MY SOCK DRAW TO FIND NO MORE SOCKS. NOT EVEN ONE! AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO WEAR DIRTY SOCKS (EWWW). SO I DID THE NEXT BEST THING, PANTY HOSE!
I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED AT THE FACT THAT I EVEN HAD ANY (I GO BARE IN THE SUMMER).
ON THEY WENT AND TO WORK I DID GOCONTROL TOP PANTY HOSE CAN REALLY SLIM YOU DOWN AND FLATTEN YOU OUT, I FORGOT THIS TILL I USED THE BATHROOM AT WORK.
MY BEHIND WENT FROM "WHA-POW!" TO "WHOMP!". (AS SEE IN DIAGRAM BELOW)

THIS IS THE ONE THING I GOT GOING FOR ME, SHIT, EVEN MY FAMILY NICKNAME IS "BEANIE".
PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME ON A SOMEWHAT PERSONAL LEVEL KNOW THAT I'M BEST KNOWN FOR MY BUTT (AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY SO).

PANTYHOSE, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED.
I'M GOING TO TARGET AFTER WORK TO BUY MORE SOCKS...

HOW TO EAT RIGHT II!

HOW TO EAT E.L. FUDGE GRASSHOPPER
MINT COOKIES IN 12 EASY STEPS!

PREP TIME:
2 HOURS

TIME TO COMPLETION :
AVERAGE OF 2 HOURS

WHAT YOU'LL NEED:
(1) 12oz PACKAGE E.L. FUDGE MINT GRASSHOPPER COOKIES
(1) 1/2 GALLON WHOLE MILK
(1) GLASS (MUST BE ABLE TO HOLD 8oz MINIMUM AND BE LARGE ENOUGH TO DUNK COOKIES AS INSTRUCTED BELOW)


CHILL MINT COOKIES INREFRIGERATORR FOR A MINIMUM OF 2 HOURS
AS WITH MOST ITEMS THAT CONTAIN CHOCOLATE, THEY ARE BETTER CONSUMED WHILE AT A TEMPERATURE OF 40 DEGREES OR LESS

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. AFTER COOKIES HAVE REACHEDACQUIREDD TEMPERATURE, REMOVE FROMREFRIGERATEDD AREA

2. DISPENSE MILK INTO GLASS.

3. WITH COOKIE FIRMLY GRASPED BETWEEN THUMB AND INDEX FINGER, TAKE (1) ONE SMALL NIBBLE FROM COOKIE’S EDGE.
SEE DIAGRAM 1(a)



4. COOKIE MUST THEN BE HELD IN MILK IN UPRIGHT POSITION .
SEE DIAGRAM 1(b)

5. IF STEPS 1 – 4 ARE FOLLOWED CORRECTLY, BUBBLES WILL START TO EMERGE FROM THE DROWNING CONFECTION.

6. ONCE THE BUBBLES HAVE CEASED TO SURFACE, REMOVE COOKIE FROM MILK AND PLACED DIRECTLY INTO ORAL CAVITY.

7. FOLLOWING INSERTION, A MOUTH FULL OF MILK WILL BE NEEDED.

MANEUVERVER GRASSHOPPER INSIDE MOUTH SO THAT TTONGUENGE CAN BE USED TO PRY OPEN THE COOKIE AT THE OPENING.

9. BREAKDOWN INTERIOR OF MINT COOKIE UNTIL WELL COMBINED WITH LIQUID.
BE SURE TO LEAVE AS MUCH SHELL INTACT AS POSSIBLE.

10. WHEN STEPS 1 – 9 ARE COMPLETED, THE CAPTIVE REMAINS MUST BE CONSUMED BEFORE THEY REACH ROOM TEMPERATURE.

11. EACH COOKIE MUST BE SAVORED AND ENJOYED FOR AN ELAPSED TIME OF 1 MINUTE 45 SECONDS.

12. DUPLICATE STEPS 1 THRU 11 UNTIL PACKAGE IS CONSUMED.

E.L. FUDGE GRASSHOPPER MINT COOKIES ARE BEST ENJOYED DURING THE SUMMER AND WINTER SOLSLICE OF EACH YEAR.