HUMPDAY LUNCH

LUNCH TODAY IS 1/2 OF A LEFT OVER CHICKEN CEASAR SALAD.
SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, THE CROUTONS ARE STILL CRUNCHY.
DOESN'T THIS GO AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE?

AND, NO THIS IS NOT ALL I'M EATING TODAY. I HAD 2 BUTTERED WAFFLES & COFFEE FOR BREAKFAST AND HAVE ALREADY EATEN ABOUT 10 MINI REESES PEANUTBUTTER CUPS BEFORE 10:00AM.

MAYBE PUDDING FOR DESERT...

MY KIND OF FREEDOM

I GOT SO EXCITED THIS WEEKEND!
SINCE I'M A DIVORCED WOMAN, I WENT TO THE SUPER GROCERY STORE AND PURCHASED STUFF THAT I WANTED.
WHAT I WILL NOW DO IS STATE THE FOOD/ITEM & WHY IT MADE ME HAPPY.

READY?

A GOOD RAZOR (VENUS) - $7.99 FOR A RAZOR THAT ONLY I WILL USE, I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE WITH MY PIG OF AN EX HUSBAND

YOPLAIT YOGURT (VARIOUS FLAVORS) - I NEVER LIKED PLAIN VANILLA YOGURT, IF I BOUGHT MORE FLAVORS THEN VANILLA WHEN I WAS WITH THE DICK, HE'D THROUGH A HISSY FIT "I EAT MORE THEN YOU, WHY DO YOU HAVE MORE". THE DAMN GUY ATE YOGURT 2 TIMES A YEAR (IF THAT)

OVALTINE (LARGE CAN) - $4.00 FOR CHOCOLATE MILK THAT I LIKE, NOT THE CHEAP STUFF. HE LIKED ONLY VANILLA STUFF, SO ANYTHING CHOCOLATE WAS OUT.

WELCHES JUICE (VARIOUS FLAVORS) - SOMETHING OTHER THEN THE CHEAPEST APPLE JUICE, AND ITS 100% JUICE. I DON'T CARE THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE GRAPE ANYMORE.

VALUE PACK OF WHITE BREAD - SOMETIMES YOU DON'T WANT WHEAT, AND NOW I'M NOT CATERING TO HIS HEALTH ISSUES BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER.

HOOD COFFEE ICE CREAM - *DROOL* I WAS ONLY ALLOWED STRAIGHT VANILLA, NO OTHER FLAVOR ALLOWED! UNLESS IT WAS JUST FOR HIM & NOT TO SHARE.

BETTY CROCKER MICROWAVE CAKE - WANTED TO TRY IT, AND OF COURSE ITS CHOCOLATE. BUT TO GAMBLE WITH $1.99 THAT IT MIGHT NOT BE GOOD, WAS A BIG NO!

CHICKEN (DRUMSTICKS & BREAST) - HE HATED CHICKEN, ONLY ALLOWED TO BY A WHOLE CHICKEN IF ANY, AND EVEN THEN HE REFUSED LEFTOVERS. ITS HARD FOR 2 PEOPLE TO EAT AN ENTIRE CHICKEN FOR ONE MEAL.

PORKCHOPS (LOIN CUT) - YES, I SPENT $6.86 ON THREE PORKCHOPS. ONLY 3!? APPARENTLY QUANTITY OUT WEIGHED QUALITY WITH THE DICK. AND HE ALWAYS WONDERED WHY THERE WERE NEVER ANY GOOD CUTS.

STEAK (LONDON BROIL) - NOT T-BONE AND NOT 7-BONE EITHER! AND I'LL COOK THE DAMN THING HOW I WANT! IF I WANT IT BLOODY, SO BE IT!

JONES SODA (CREAM, RASPBERRY & SOUR APPLE) - 3 BOTTLES OF SODA THAT I DON'T PLAN ON DRINKING. I LIKED THAT THEY WERE RED, GREEN & WHITE (I'M THINKING FESTIVE). THEY ARE ON TOP OF MY TV RIGHT NOW!

I KNOW IT MIGHT SEEM KINDA WEIRD, BUT THIS KIND OF FREEDOM REMINDS ME OF WHY I LEFT THE DICK IN THE FIRST PLACE.

12:00PM MEAL TIME

DORITOS, 1/2 OF A MEATBALL SANDWICH & YOGURT (YOGURT NOT SHOWN DUE TO IMPURE THOUGHTS)

THERE IS A DEER IN THE WOODS

IT HASN’T NOTICED ME YET.
I STAND COMPLETELY STILL AS NOT TO FRIGHTEN HIM.
THE HE TURNS AND LOOKS ME DIRECTLY IN THE EYE.
- HE DOES NOT MOVE.
I LET GO OF A BREATH REAL SLOW AND TRY TO RELAX.
I TURN MY HEAD TO SEE THAT IT’S JUST US.
- HE DOES NOT MOVE.
I TAKE A SLOW STEP TOWARDS HIM.
MY FOOT SOFTLY COMES DOWN ON THE FOREST FLOOR WITH A HUSH.
- HE DOES NOT MOVE.
I TAKE A FEW MORES STEPS IN HIS DIRECTION.
I AM CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH HIM.
- HE DOES NOT MOVE.
I REACH OUT MY HAND.
MY PALM IS OPEN, I MEAN NO HARM.
- HE DOES NOT MOVE.
I GENTLY TOUCH HIM.
I WHISPER TENDERLY TO HIM.
- HE DOES NOT MOVE.
I FEEL SINCERITY, COMPASSION.
I REACH OUT TO EMBRACE HIM.
- HE MOVES AND I’M LEFT WITH MY ARMS STRETCHED OUT.

DISAPOINTMENT

WEDNESDAY'S LUNCH = HOT COCOLATE, DORITOS & A 1/2 BURNT TURKEY SANDWICH.
*SIGH*

WITH VISIONS OF POPEYE DANCING IN MY HEAD...

SO LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM...

FIRST OFF IT TOOK PLACE IN MY GRAMMA'S HOUSE (BUT NOT HER HOUSE IN REALITY). THE HOUSE WAS LIKE ONE OF THOSE LARGE SOUTHERN HOUSES YOU'D FIND ON A PLANTATION, BIG & WHITE WITH VERY LARGE WINDOWS. YOU COULD SEE INTO THE BACK WINDOW WHICH WAS THE KITCHEN/DINING ROOM. THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE LOOKED VERY BRIGHT & VIVID FROM OUTSIDE.

AT FIRST I WAS DRIVING AROUND IN MY OLD 89' FORD ESCORT WITH MY SON IN A CAR SEAT. WE DRIVE TO THE BACK OF THE HOUSE AND PARKED UNDER A WEEPING WILLOW REAL QUICK AND THEN I TURNED TO LUCAS AN SAID, "NAH! WE'VE BEEN HERE ALITTLE WHILE AGO. LET'S JUST GO BEFORE THEY SEE US"

SUDDENLY IM INSIDE THE HOUSE AND IT'S MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY. I DECIDE TO MAKE HER A 2FT X 3FT GINGERBREAD CAKE OF POPEYE & OLIVE OIL. I SEPARATED POPEYE FROM OLIVE OIL, COOKED HIM GOOD & BURNT AND DECORATED HIM WITH FROSTING TO LOOK LIKE THE REAL CARTOON.

BUT MY SISTER IS SOMEHOW KIDNAPPED, SO I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE BEST WAY TO GET HER BACK WOULD BE TO MAKE A ROCKETSHIP OF GINGERBREAD TO FLY IN. THE SHIP SUDDENLY IS DONE (NO SURPRISE).

MY SISTER IS ALSO SUDDENLY BACK (APPARENTLY MY SUBCONSCIOUS DECIDED THAT THE RESCUING PART WASN'T IMPORTANT).

BUT I GET REAL PISSED BECAUSE WHILE I WAS GONE, MY FAMILY DECIDED TO EAT HALF THE GINGERBREAD AND THROW THE REST AWAY...

I HATE GINGERBREAD!

WEDNESDAY BREAKFAST REPORT!

A LIGHTLY TOASTED BEGAL WITH PEANUT BUTTER, (1) ONE WAFFLE TOPPED WITH SRYRUP AND A SMOLDERING CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE... MMMMMMM